this is an honest post
soooooooo everyone knows i hate my comm arts 2 class
why? well bc i hate everyone in there
my professor and the students im with
i also hate how horrible i feel whenever im with the class
so a/w, i very much hate it now
like beyond hate
bc there’s a kid in that class that looks like this guy i know/knew
his face, his lips, his eyebrows fucking remind me of that someone
and whenever i see him my insides just get so messed up
it’s 2014 and this is my first post here for this year
the picture above is my dream
like after 6 years i dream of getting that
that piercing (idk what size)
that long hair
and the confidence to show that side of me
so i’m pretty much sick atm, kinda got the flu and my head hurts like fuck it sucks bc i have 7:30am classes tomorrow and i’m gonna have to take a shower at like 5:00am.
so we went over to this pretty lady’s house on friday and they made me feel way better. i love how they’re always there for me. they’re the greatest friends i’ve ever had ♡♡
new me, old shirt from my old school that i will always love http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10200980410975589&set=a.1374063154720.2051706.1326043060&type=1&theater
you guys know how i moved from mapua to perpetual? well, i guess that’s the worst decision someone’s ever made for me my entire life. going back to perpetual is like being back in the hell i’ve already forgotten once i was in mapua. i guess those 5 days really spun my head around.. because last friday, dated 11/22/13, i broke down emotionally. it was a fine morning when i started the day, but sadly when i got to school it seemed like i really didn’t belong there. i was just pissed. at everything. at everyone. the whole place seemed to kill me. to think that my professors didn’t attend their classes either was the worst part. i was so angry. having to wait there, being stared at those “other” horrible students who looked at me with disgust. it was crucial and suffocating. on the way home, i rode on a cab. and in one glance i saw him. that guy i’ve always liked form mapua who lived here in my area. he was there talking to the man selling ink (it was an ink shop, so yeah). he was wearing an orange shirt, jeans and on his back was his jansport bag that i never forget. he was so pretty. so gorgeous. i went down the cab and my thoughts went circling. i missed mapua, terribly. i miss it. i miss getting to ride a van and seeing different faces every single day. i miss getting called by the pedi-cab drivers to ride their cabs even though it was truly expensive. i miss tapping my i.d and greeting the guard with my tired eyes. i miss my friends. i miss being with them every single day. i miss laughing with them and not having a care in the world. and even though some may be against this last statement, i really do miss the professors. i miss studying in mapua. studying in manila was my dream, i had it and now.. well, it’s basically gone. in a blink my whole life just crashed. i hate not having anyone to talk to, i hate how other students in my new school judge me, i hate how they look at me, i hate how i have to wear uniform, i hate everything about this school even though i graduated there in high school. i should be over that. i should finally be in a place where i truly belong. i don’t belong here. i hate it here. i’d rather kill myself than stay here.. but see, that’s the problem. i can’t. i can’t move back to mapua. my health isn’t as great as it was and my family’s pretty much suffering financially that’s why my uncle’s paying for my tuition fee now. this is why being poor sucks. i have no choice but to stay here where they put me and just accept the fact that nothing can change this reality
2:33 am na. ngayon ko nalang ulit naisipang magblog dito sa personal account ko. guess what, tapos na ang paglalakbay ko (not literally). tapos na ko as a mapuan. akala ko tatagal pa hahaha, sayang effort ko sa pag gagawa ng “life as a mapuan” segment dito sa blog ko. other people may say that i gave up too early, pero pano ko ippush through kung sobrang laking problema ang idinudulot nitong pag eenroll ko. actually nanghihinayang ako, sobrang nanghihinayang. tipong nagsisimula palang ako matuto, pero handa na ko sa mga susunod na kabanata tapos biglang icucut. lol. putangina. madami akong mamimiss sa mapua. syempre unang una dito ung naging barkada ko ‘puksi dabarkads’. the best. next is syempre ung crush ko HAHAHAHA. pati na rin yung naging block ko, a80. at higit sa lahat, is yung pagpunta ko sa manila. yes. i’ve always loved manila. di man siya gaanong kaganda na ngayon, i still love it. ewan ko ba, everything about manila fascinates me. mejo nakakabitin kasi di ko pa siya lubusang naeexplore ng mag-isa, sana sa future magawa ko. so that’s all, my journey in mapua pretty much ends here. de joke, it ends the day i enroll sa next school ko. syempre di ko muna isstate kung saan ako papasok next. basta magiging tourism student ako. :) lol
i feel like sht. i can’t sleep. di ako dinadalaw ng antok. 2am feels like 8pm to me. i just feel.. sort of like nothing. i don’t even know what i’m doing with my life anymore. all i know is that i feel like shit. literal shit. idek anymore
every single girl should hear this.
this just made me feel so much better.
the tears are flowing
This made me feel so much better…I think every girl in the world should hear this. I am just bawling my eyes out
i just really love this man right now….
This is so powerful.
i need to download this on my phone and listen to it every single fucking day
i realized that.. i loved the company but i didn’t like their attitudes. i hate how judgmental and how wonderful they think of themselves. their face irritates me and now i think i’m fine with being alone again. i don’t want to be in a clique anymore. fuck it